alexaloraetheris:

Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity

1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already.

2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me:

“Humans have wished to be gods so much they’ve forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this ‘monotheism’ stuff.”

I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said:

“Oh I believe in god alright. I just don’t think the bastard deserves to be worshipped.”

3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice:

“The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren’t going to save you. Don’t become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience.”

4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty:

“I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don’t expect I’d listen to their prayers.” (Notice the choice of words)

5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I’m really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles.

6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed.

“Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I’m actually curious what you’re gonna find.”

7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can’t come back and I rolled my eyes and said ‘obviously’ but she continued:

“When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That’s why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter.”

8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me:

“Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just… keep that in mind.” Then she left and didn’t speak to me for three days. I still don’t know what she meant but even three years later I haven’t forgotten it.

9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me: “Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven’t been paying attention?”

10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said:

“Great. I’ll wait for you to come back. Maybe you’ll even remember me.”

In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she’s stuck with us because immortality is a bitch.

P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on ‘Eve’. Maybe I should reconsider my atheist status?!

spybrarian:

waitingforturnips:

Kids break into radio station, swear at listeners

A group of children broke into a radio station in Western Australia’s remote Kimberley region and put themselves live on air for an impromptu late-night show full of swearing.

The first police knew of it was a phone call from a listener, concerned at swear words being broadcast.

Station manager Angie Stahl says she had previously given the children lessons in community radio, and they worked out how to make the studio go live.

“But unfortunately their show mainly involved swearing, which was a bit punk, a bit avant-garde, but also breaches the broadcasting laws, and our codes of practice.

“So the cops got a call from an outlaying station ringing up to say, ‘I think you’ve got some kids on the radio, they’re busy swearing, you’d better go bust them’.”

Ms Stahl said the children appear to have entered through a window in her house, which adjoins the studios.

While in the house they ate some chicken nuggets and dyed their hair.

Not long after going on-air with their expletive-ridden jokes, police officers arrived to put a stop to the radio broadcast.

Ms Stahl said the children may have a future in broadcasting.

“They’d come in a couple of times before to do a couple of shows and programs, so I’d taught them the basics,” she said.

“So it’s good to see the knowledge was used correctly.”

“While in the house they ate some chicken nuggets and dyed their hair”

“A bit punk”

Amazing.

sapphicauthor:

aaaaand that’s the tea. 

littlemedievalbitch:

evary cat is a little celebrity 2 me

mistresscloud:

epicene-street-light:

epicene-street-light:

ok but can you imagine a worse, more terrifying fate than medusa’s one? just imagine. first of all you’re raped in your goddess’ temple. which, apart from the obvious trauma, means you can’t keep doing what you devoted your entire life to. your goddess gifts you with the ability to turn those you look at into stone and your hair into snakes so that you can defend yourself and be a threat rather than a victim to men. and then?????? a fucking MAN decides hes gonna hunt you down and slaughter you for…. sport like just because he can?????? and not only does he kill you but he keeps your head as a weapon???????? effectively using you and your body for his own purpose exactly like your rapist??????????????? like??? and this man is considered a hero while you’ll be remembered as a monstruous, dangerous entity???????????????????? medusa deserved better smh

wow the medusa avenging squad rly is there!!! make some noise ladies

hellishrebuke:

rivainibabe:

dynastylnoire:

ryukisgod:

Customer service bosses be like:

Deadass

Yall cant have water????

apparently it’s unprofessional to stay hydrated

agirlnameded:

I had a dream about a version of Snow White where she’s actually like 12 and the dwarves basically adopted her it was basically Snow White and Her 7 Short Dads

When she got poisoned by the Queen the dwarves all gave her one last kiss on the forehead to say goodbye before her funeral and that was the true love’s kiss she needed to wake up, because her dads all loved her very much

Anyway Snow White is public domain so there’s literally nothing stopping me from publishing this